Sweet Emotion

I was never big on family and love. I am sure there are many reasons as to why this is, but I do not wish to find those reasons. There is no use in dwelling on the past, but there is so much to look forward to in the future. As of lately it seems as if it is going to be one glorious journey to see what my future has in store! All of those years that I did not care whether I had a family or love, particularly in my early
twenties, though they were not wasted, I am wonderfully pleased to have a family again (not that they were not my family by their own intent). It is also incredible to feel love again, although it can be somewhat of a mystery.

Through my teenage years and my early to mid-twenties, I stopped caring if I had anyone close to me. I stopped caring if anyone wanted to be close to me. Hell, I stopped even caring if I was close to myself. I was never contemplating suicide, nor was I depressed. I believe I was just empty of all emotion. Incapable of feeling love for anyone, especially those that felt love for me. I often wonder how I could have lived that way because now I cannot even fathom it.  My family, new and old, means more to me than I could have ever imagined. It has been wonderful to get back in contact with my old family and they have acted as if I was never gone. I love them for that. My new family, the few friends I have made in my twenties, and the most wonderful boyfriend a girl could ask for, have helped me to enjoy life again and I love them for that. I also must not forget to mention my oldest, but best friends. Anyone would be lucky to have friends like these on their side. I have a number of friends that I grew up with, lost touch with briefly, and now have regained a friendship with them. These friends act as if nothing has changed, except for our age and knowledge, and that is what I love them for most of all. 

I spent a lot of time, and even more effort, trying to make it where people did not want to be a part of my life. Fortunately, it did not work. As George Sand once said, "There is only one happiness in life...to love and to be loved". Although I do not believe that love is the only thing that can make one happy, I do feel that without love nothing else worth doing will bring the happiness that one deserves. I am glad to have rediscovered this emotion and hope that everyone in the world has the chance to feel the way I feel at this very moment...loved!